It’s been a VERY hectic couple of weeks for BossDad.  Our largest clients at the shop have been sending in mass orders, one after another, keeping me on my toes and constantly jumping from one job to the next.  Then mix in the interruptions and stresses with aligning the stars so this new building purchase can be a successful transaction; and you’ve got one wore out dude on your hands.

Not only have my weeks been filled with 10-14 hour work days, but throw in Saturdays and just the pure mental exertion involved and I feel like by the time I get home my brain has turned into mush!

Then there are moments when I am just so dang tired of making decisions!!!  My wife, the sweetheart that she is, began cleaning off my desk at work the other day while I was finishing up my lunch in an attempt to help me with my tasks.  I protested and asked her not to.  She insisted that having a clean desk would help me get more organized and focused by working in a clean and tidy space.  While I agreed, I explained I just needed a few moments of making no decisions.  She responded, “I’ll ask all the questions of where things need to go, you just have to respond yes or no.”  As simple as that may seem, I was at the end of my rope and the simple act of trying to process what was there and what was next would be the final straw that broke this camel’s head!!! (I know the correct saying is back, but my back was fine….it was my head that was verging on failure).

So yesterday when the orders I planned on doing got put on hold by the customer, then a plan “B” supply run fell through because the supplies weren’t ready for pickup yet, and finally plan “C” couldn’t be implemented because the supplies I needed for it weren’t ready; the mental exhaustion got the best of me and I ran away.  I decided that the other jobs could wait for the morning when I would have a clear mind and a motivational recharge.  This was my chance to run to the hills, reboot, relax, recharge, and renew my focus.  I wasn’t able to go far.  I only had about an hours’ worth of daylight left.  So I hopped in Sami, my Samurai, and went for a drive up in the hills behind my home.

I’ve covered these trails many times over the last 13 years.   Driving or walking, they’ve worked out my emotions in a way no trained therapist could.  They have seen many stages of my life from flirtatious rides with my wife back when we were dating, to the emotional pangs and hurt from loosing a beautiful daughter only 45 minutes after she was born.

We have a good three-mile stretch of open land between our home and the tall red mesas that sit behind us.  It is pretty desolate really, just sagebrush and cactus dotted with a few sparse juniper trees.  But in the middle of it all is a shallow wash that cuts across the land creating a defined path that stands out among it all.

Not only have I used this many times as a destination to walk along before I head for home, I have found it to be a highway for wildlife.  I’ve seen golden eagles, plenty of jack rabbits and cottontail bunnies, coyotes, deer, and, while they still allude me, I’ve seen the sign of bobcat in that wash as well.

On my way back from my drive up against the mesas I decided to stop at this wash and go for a quick walk along it.  This time of year the buck mule deer are dropping their antlers and this wash has often been a good place to find those.  So I hopped out, threw my back pack on my shoulders, and headed off on foot just as the mist of a rain began falling down.

As I trudged along, the wet dirt starting to pack to the bottoms of my shoes, I continued to think about all the mess I was up to my chin in.  The stresses at work, the building purchase, trying to be a more present father, better husband, oh, and Sami needs the front suspension worked on as well. Then I saw it.  It was a 30 foot wide clear swath that had been blazed across the land leading just up to the edge of the wash.

It took me by surprise as I stood there staring at the scar on the land.  For 13 years I had spent hours and hours out here walking, exploring, and working out my issues on my own.  Not another soul had I ever met out here, to the extent that it had become my land.  How dare someone come out here with a tractor and cut this swath right at the edge of my wash!?!?

Then my eyes focused in on a bright orange stake that had fallen over and was laying on it’s side right at the edge of the wash.  A wave of sorrow settled into my stomach as I realized that while I have enjoyed this land for 13 years…..it wasn’t mine.  We only own about 5 acres right on the edge and we had been made aware that about a year ago plans to divide and sell the space behind us had been put in motion.  This swath was dividing parcels of land where homes would be built and my wash would soon be someone’s back yard.

My feet fell a little harder as I tried to envision this huge open expanse dotted with homes and yards.  No longer would I be able to walk and drive freely back there.  No longer would I be able to look out to the mesas without homes contaminating the view.  These paths that the wildlife have trod for, centuries possibly, would soon be blocked by fences and garages.

As I neared the fence line that marked where the wash flattened out and pretty well ends, the two old abandoned cars that sit there came into view.  Rusted, broken, and strewn with bullet holes; those cars have been there for who knows how long.  They too have been a destination for me and have often acted as a land mark as I’ve made an afternoon loop hike.  And, yes, a few of the bullet holes are mine.

My face softened a bit as I viewed them fondly.  Then a sudden desperation came over me as I considered what the new owners of that land might do with them.  I needed to save them!  They would be yanked from their homes and hauled off as if they were some sort of pest that needed to be exterminated.

To me they were unique and, well, beautiful.  They added a character to the area.  Not only am I a sucker for that 40’s and 50’s era vehicles, but the patina and age just fight right into the countryside.

And then there is the mystery behind them.  I knelt down and pulled my camera out hoping to save them at least in an image.  My mind wandered as I framed the shots:  Where did they come from?  What lives had they lived before they landed here?  Who put the first bullet hole in them and who has added their mark since?  The storms they have seen, visitors they have had both two legged and four legged, and the changes they have witnessed over their lifetimes.

It was nearing time for dinner as the landscape was darkening quickly now.  My shoulders and head were wet from the rain and my shoes were heavy from the compacted wet dirt that had doubled the thickness of my tread.

As I trod along, still scanning the sides of the wash and the surrounding landscape for antler sheds, my thoughts came to rest on that last statement; change.  What I was battling, not only with this land but with my life’s challenges as well, was change.

In years past January and, in particular, February have been our slowest months at work.  But suddenly I am up to my eyeballs in jobs.  Then there is the prospect of this new building being thrown into play and the new challenges I am facing with it.  My wife and I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old taking our lives from lone souls, to friends, to lovers, to partners, and then to parents and our home that had wide open spaces around it is working towards suddenly being the entrance to a community.

There’s no way around it.  Change is hard and often uncomfortable.  And as I thought about it further, I realized that it doesn’t matter if it is good change or bad change; either way it requires effort.  Maybe that is why we fear and fight it.  The simplest path is to stay the same.  But as soon as you veer to the left or to the right, there has to be some effort involved.  The only difference between good change and bad change is your perspective through it all.  Your perspective will effect your motivation and either ease the burden of change, or weight it.

I soon arrived back at the house and as I rolled into the drive way I spotted my beautiful little girl running towards the driveway with a coat and boots on.  I opened the door of Sami and peered down at her.  Her eyes were bright and her face was pure and void from any stress or concern.  I asked if she wanted to go for a quick ride and she responded that she did.  I hauled her up and over my lap into the passenger seat and I began to feel my stresses and concern over change start to melt away.

We headed for the “up and downs,” a small track that we have carved into our back yard with some small hills and whoops for the four wheelers to go around.  Luckily Sami is skinny enough to go around the track as well.

With my left hand on the wheel and my right arm stretched across her lap, bracing her into her seat, we headed up and down, over and around the track, me emphasizing each hill with a “whao!”.  I continued to glance over to her making a mock-nervous face to build the anticipation of a hill and her giving the same face back but with more of a smile.

On about the fourth lap she informed me that the real reason she came out was because Momma had asked her to come tell me that dinner was ready.  So I headed back for home so we didn’t hold up dinner for too long.

By this time it was pretty much dark outside.  We took off our coats and removed our shoes.  J5 beat me to the table and was already in her seat as I stepped into the living room.  That’s when I saw one of the most beautiful sights my eyes could behold.

The rest of the room was dark and of course the windows were dark as well.  That just put more focus on the lit up dinner table with my daughter, son, and stunning wife sitting there waiting for daddy to come join them.  It was beautiful to behold and I paused for a moment trying to engrave that image in my mind.

In that moment, all the changes I was experience were OK.  They are signs of what the future will be.  I don’t know what that future is and I think that’s what generates so much of my stress; fear of the unknown.  But like I mentioned before, this family I was sitting and eating with represented change in my life.  Not only change, but also a future.

20 years ago I never would have dreamed that this would be my life.  That I would be here, in this town, with this career, and this family.  That I would be living this lifestyle, enjoying these comforts, and building these relationships.  But here I am, in the future, and I’ve gotta say that I am a blessed man.

I look around and realize that all of this is a result of change.  Changes that have taken place over the past several years.  Some changes I had control of and some I didn’t.  But they came, they played out, and the result is before me.

Maybe change isn’t something to be feared and stressed over, but to be welcomed and accomodated.

 

If you have read any of my previous posts you would recognize my friendship with solitude and being a lone soul.  It is not only something that I enjoy, but something that I stand in need of.

Even in my youth, though I grew up in a home with four other siblings, I would often seek out opportunities to be alone.  To function in my own little world without the distractions and interactions around me.  I think it comes down to a sense of control.  When I am in that world, I have control over the aspects that I am interacting with.

One of my favorite toys growing up was small cars, Hot Wheels, to be more specific.  I had come to own a small collection of them and they would occupy my attention for hours at a time.

I specifically remember having a spot out in our yard where I had dug a depression in the ground near a sagebrush.  I would retire to this spot with several of my cars, leaving the nicest, most beloved few in the house safe and clean, and a putty knife I had found in with the tools.  This putty knife was the perfect width to carve out streets, intersections, and driveways for these cars to travel along.

In the desert soil I would encounter either very hard, concrete-like ground, very soft and dry loose sand, or moist and easily compacted dirt.  The first and the last were ideal for what I was trying to achieve but the middle, soft sand, just wouldn’t do.

I was a realist with my play.  My cars couldn’t fly and didn’t have super powers to push through a pile of soft, loose, sand that was deeper than they were.  Play didn’t work unless it was in conditions that were real to life and to the scale of these cars.

I don’t really recall any sort of story-line to my play either.  It was mostly building roads and driveways, then placing the cars at their homes.  In turn each car would back out and go for a nice Sunday drive.

If a bump was too large, or dip too deep, it needed to be smoothed.  If the corner was too sharp it needed to be rounded off.   If the road was too sandy or soft it needed to be cleared and compacted until it was solid.

So my hours of play would proceed, out there on my own, fixing roads and solving problems.  I loved this play and would return as often as I could to this same spot.  Roads would change, the hillside would evolve, and even a waterfall under a small wooden bridge I made in Cub Scouts would be added at one point; but the play was the same.  On my own, at my own speed, without the complications others might contribute.

As an adult I’m much the same.  I often find myself adventuring alone because, although it is not a safe practice, it is easier and less-complicated to do so.  I can make choices and decisions without having to consider anyone else.  I can start and stop when I want, eat when I want, wander off the beaten path if I want, and so on.

And, I can be alone with my thoughts.  Working out stresses, problems, life mysteries, and coming up with a sure path towards world peace (okay, I’m still working on this, but I have a theory…..)

I need those situations for my own sanity.  But that loneliness is of my own choice and my own making.  I control when, where, and how, and that is why it works.

Just a short time ago I found myself in a much more damaging situation.  As a boss I had to make some corrections and institute some changes with my employees.  This can be hard to do.  When you spend 8 hours a day in a 2,500 sq ft. building with just a few other people, you build a friendship and association.  I work in this space just as they do and it creates a sense of equality.  We joke and laugh, enjoy lunch together once in a while, celebrate birthdays, and enjoy each others’ company as we work through our various tasks and duties.

But, at the end of the day, I am the owner and the boss.  The company is where it is today because of my attention to issues, changes to policies, and forward thinking.  So I often have to define our roles as these processes are brought forward, reminding everyone that I am the boss and they are my employees.

I consider myself a people person.  I communicate well and can adapt myself to be able to associate with many different characters.  I think that is a big part of my success.  But sometimes you just can’t approach matters of this nature without someone getting defensive or hurt and this was one of those times.

The discussion left my employees feeling offended and irritated by me.  I had made no personal attacks, nor had I said anything that was untrue.  But sometimes the truth hurts and because I was the authority figure telling those truths and implementing changes that were viewed as irritations, I was viewed as the enemy and a clear change an dynamics evolved leaving me as the odd man out.

Meanwhile at home the waters were choppy as well.  I had been working long hours with a sudden influx of jobs, so my time at home was short as is.  My wife and I were not communicating well with some struggles in our marriage.  We couldn’t seem to find a time to really talk through it and work out what we needed to.

Not only did kids complicate this, but my mother-in-law lives in our home as well.  Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the typical “evil mother-in-law” stereotype that is portrayed in the world.  I love her and have no issue with her in our home.  It is good for her being able to be around her daughter and her grand kids.  Plus it is a huge help for my wife to have her there.  She allows us our privacy and is simply apart of our family.  But it can make it hard to have those private discussions that husband and wife need to have on a regular basis.

What I was finding during this time was; I would arrive home around 7-7:30 pm.  I would sit at the table alone and eat my re-heated dinner while the kids played and my wife and her mother cleaned up dinner and took care of things.  Then as I was finishing, bedtime would arrive and the processes involved with that.  Finally, with the kids in bed, it was adult time.  I would kick back in my chair because my tasks for the day were finished and I could just relax.  But with the kids in bed my wife still has items on her to-do list she needs to do.  So she’s at the computer, working on crafts, or preparing an activity for the next day (she is a real-life Super Mom.  Amazing!)

Then bedtime rolls around.  We are both tired and after preparations for bed, we both just long for the rest of sleep knowing we need all we can get to fuel us through the next day.  Although this time-slot may be our only private time during the day with the kids and her mother in our home, exhaustion puts off our motivation to utilize that time for the benefit of our marriage.

When morning arrives the focus is on getting ourselves and our kids ready for the day.  Mom is working on breakfast, getting J5 dressed and ready for school, and dad is getting himself ready for work, doing outside chores, and then I’m out the door, with J5, headed for school and another long day at work.

Basically what I was encountering was a sense of being displaced.  At work I felt shunned and outcast.  I was the “mean boss” that everyone wanted to avoid.  At home I felt like I wasn’t really needed there either.  Much like the feeling of being the odd friend, or fifth wheel, invited on a road trip with two other couples.  You are just kind of along for the ride and if you jumped out at mile-marker 12 they wouldn’t even notice until the next gas station and only because it was your turn to buy.

Each night I felt like I was a guest in the house.  My wife and her mom had a routine and things just rolled along whether I was there or not.  I would just find myself some leftovers to heat up, eat, and do my own thing while their process continued on towards bedtime.

It honestly felt as if I was a technician working in another town.  I was commuting back and forth from my hotel, working long hours in the corner of a building where no one knew me or cared that I was there even though I was solving a major problem for them and when I was done for the day I would hit the hotel restaurant for dinner, eat alone, then back to my quiet room that I happened to be sharing with another person.

Day after day this feeling of loneliness and darkness got worse and worse.  Here I was doing huge things for these people around me and yet I felt like a ghost whose presence was unnoticed as I went about my days.

I was feeling hurt and discouraged.  Even though I was paying their wage and providing them with the place and the means to support their lifestyle, I was shunned by them and looked upon as a thorn in their sides.  Even though I was providing for their daily needs, comforts, and toys, I was unnoticed and kept at arms length.  There wasn’t time for me among the other daily demands.

How can the people that I am working so hard for, that I stress and worry about so much, simply treat me like I didn’t exist.  Treat me as if I wasn’t important or needed?  I’m doing this all for them.  I didn’t ask for this loneliness.  I didn’t choose or create this solitude……..or did I?

These waves of loneliness seem to come and go over the months.  A sense of being alone in this world full of people.  That I’m the only one battling to create a balance that effects everyone around me, but that no one is willing to assist me with.

Being a natural problem solver, I studied these situations looking for solutions.  I didn’t like the way I felt during these times and especially didn’t like the way I began to view the people I loved as my hurt got deeper and deeper.  They were my friends and most importantly, my family.

What I began to realize was that I was creating an atmosphere around myself that they were reacting to.  I would come home from work exhausted, with an aged look of stress written across my face.  I was hungry and needed to eat and unwind a bit before I allowed myself to be ready for their interactions.  So they gave me space.

My wife had duties that needed to be taken care of.  They couldn’t wait because there are protocols that have to be followed in order to ensure the success of bedtime.  And, just like me staying after hours to finish jobs because there are no interruptions at that point, after bedtime was her after hours.  It was her chance to finish up her jobs uninterrupted.

And what of our private time before our bed-time?  Well, being a simple man, my bedtime process is quicker than hers.  So while I laid in bed waiting for her to finish her readying, my phone would come out and YouTube would eat my attention.  Then she’d come to bed, see I was focused on my phone and pull out a book.  When that “just one more” video would finish I would see her reading her book and go back to my phone.  It was that simple.  When I needed that time to visit with my wife privately, I allowed YouTube to take priority.

I also realized that at work the only time I would have a serious discussion with my employees was when there was a problem that needed to be addressed.  I wasn’t concerning myself with their needs, their ideas, or their jobs, unless I had something that I had seen that needed to be addressed.  Although we were friendly and had positive interactions as co-workers, the only time they would see me in “boss mode” was when I needed to criticize their work and address something that had come to my attention.  Of course that would create a barrier and put up walls.

After visiting with my brother, a therapist (ya, he’s better looking and better paid than me too….figures) he said something that really stood out to me.  I don’t remember the exact wording, but it was something to the effect of setting priorities, but then also making sure that you show that those things are priorities to you.

For example:  I had set my family as a priority in my life.  I mean, heck, I don’t work 12-14 hour days weeks at a time because it’s fun.  I do it because I want to provide a good life for my family and take care of their needs.  I also try really hard to be home by bed-time so I can be there to kiss my kids goodnight.  But what good is it doing when I come home after work in zombie-mode.  Ya, I’m there…..but am I really?

What does it show when I am in bed with my face glued to my phone?  Or when I only sit down to visit with my employees over something negative?  What does it show when I’m there to be with my kids, but only my eyes are there and my mind is somewhere else?

My employees are a priority in my life.  They do a great job and there is no way I could ever run this business without them.  They make mistakes, yes, but so do I.

I began to try to have regular employee reviews.  I visit with them about the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I ask for their input on business decisions, because those things could effect them just as much as they effect me.  I specifically ask what they like about working here and what they don’t like.  I also try to notate positive things I see them do so I can make sure to spotlight those.  These reviews give me an opportunity to have a well-rounded visit with each individual employee.  I can make needed corrections, but also highlight positives.

I also began to have a weekly 1/2 hour morning meeting.  We all gather and talk about our current job load so that we can all be aware of what is currently being worked on in the shop.  I also have a white board where anyone can write down “meeting topics.”  Anything that anyone feels needs to be addressed or talked about.

For the last five to ten minutes of this meeting I choose a clip from The Office TV series.  I call it a “training video”.  It lightens the mood a bit and is something they look forward to each week.  If you’ve ever watched The Office then you know that it’s typically just silly humor.  But I can usually twist the topic to relate to an actual point that could be learned from.  I also ask the employees what else could be learned from it invoking creativity and collaborative input.

I have found these practices to help significantly, especially when it comes to points of criticism.  I am still able to be the boss and exercise my authority on the rare occasions that I need to stick to my guns on something, but am still able to maintain a friendly and comfortable work environment.

I’ve also seen a definite boost in morale as I’ve made conscious efforts to praise the good that they do and focus on positives.  I have become more approachable because the fear of “oh no, what did I do wrong this time” has been disposed of.  I am a better boss with the use of these practices.

My home life is a bit harder.  My family is my number one priority.  My wife is beautiful and amazing in every way.  My children are my pride and joy and I love the relationship I have with them.  My mother-in-law contributes to our household in so many different ways; we are blessed to have her there.  But when I can’t keep a consistent schedule because of my obligations and demands at work, how can I be available at the same times they are available?  Of course their days go on without me.  It would be selfish to ask them to wait for an unknown time.

So how do I make a show that they are a priority to me?  I think the best thing I can do is BE THERE when I am there.  I mean really give them my focus at that moment.  It may only be 5 minutes before bedtime.  It may only be that 10 minute drive into school each morning.  But if I can show them that for that moment they are my world, then they will leave feeling how much I care about them.

I also need to take a page out of my brother’s book.  When we have had opportunity to visit their home, I have noticed how much he helps with household duties.  It seems so seamless where his wife would start and where he would pick up and finish.  Maybe they have a schedule or system that they have worked out that works for them.  That would be hard to do in my situation because I often never know when I will arrive at home.

But rather than feeling like there is a system in place and I am an interruption to that system, I should pitch in and help out more wherever I can.  After all, it is my home and my messes too, and, the quicker she’s done with those things the sooner she can be with me.

I also need to make sure that I am available to her in those private moments.  In turn, she needs to make sure she is available to me in those private moments as well.  That private, heartfelt communication can be key I’ve found.

There is a saying in the business world, especially for small businesses that goes something to the effect of: Make sure you work ON your business and not just IN your business.  There have been times that I have became so focused on completing an order, working late into the night, but didn’t spend anytime on the pricing to ensure I charged enough.  All that work and effort is for nothing if there is no profit involved.

The same goes with a marriage.  What did it feel like back when you first met?  The first date, second date, first kiss?  It was electrifying!  It was for me at least.  I couldn’t wait to spend as much time as possible with her.  She was my focus for the majority of my days.  We got married and suddenly things started getting in the way.  Job, kids, bills, etc.   All of these came as a result of that marriage.  But if that foundation isn’t maintained, then the rest of it will inevitably fail.

If you are feeling like you are alone in the world, maybe it’s time to take a step back like I did and look in a mirror.  How much if it is your own doing?  My wife once told me that the reason we are here on this earth is for the purpose of forming relationships.  I think she’s spot on with that one.  Whether it is love, or friendship.  Casual acquaintances even.  What sort of impression are you leaving on that person?  What sort of relationship is being built?  If you knew that all you could take after this life was the relationships you had made, would you do things a bit differently?

Let this Valentines Day be the New Year of your relationships.  Set some resolutions that will help swing open doors, solidify loves, and secure support for your next stages of life.  You don’t have to feel alone and I can guarantee that no matter who you are there is someone trying to share a relationship with you.  Are you helping that or hurting it?

 

This weekend I had a chance to visit my brother.  His home is about a four hour drive from ours.  It’s not that far when you speak of traveling within the U.S. but when you both have families, careers, and other demands, it makes getting that good quality visit in a hard task to fill.

And then you add kids to the mix.  Love them, but let’s be honest; kids complicate everything, especially trips.  Kids take your preparation for that weekend trip to the next level.  My wife and I have a bag each, I mean, it’s only 3 days.  But with kids, her bag turns into the largest suitcase we own, plus three other bags for diapers and other accessories.  Add to that the box of snacks, the cooler of snacks and drinks, the backpack of activities, pillows and blankies, and suddenly our very large and spacious vehicle inevitably has some item tumbling out of the door every time you open it because things are piled so high.

For this purpose of this post I’d like to focus on that box of snacks I mentioned earlier.  80% of the items we bring with us end up in our room during the visit.  You have the cold items that go into the fridge, some toys stay down stairs, and then a few items can stay in the vehicle.  But the majority of this is in our room now.

It is a bedroom, and a spacious one at that.  But it isn’t a studio apartment or guest house.  So there aren’t cupboards to store things in, or counters to set things on.  So with everything that is now located in our room, things are on the floor……including the snack box.

It was bedtime and it had been a long day filled with fun.  Our kids had played with their cousins and thoroughly worn themselves out with running, jumping, screaming, and other adolescent exertions that would have left a grownup in the hospital on life support.

Baths were had, jammies were on, and teeth were brushed.  The four of us gathered into our room for our nightly ritual of “gratefuls”, and prayers; we will go around and all say something we did that day or something in particular that we were grateful for, and then we mention those things in our bedtime prayer.

As we were rounding the kids up into our little huddle, T2 stopped in his tracks as he passed the snack box.  He then dropped to a squat and his had dove into the box.  I saw this and immediately said “no, no.  It’s time for bed buddy”.

T2 is a snack machine.  He started off as a really good eater.  I mean this kid would eat twice as much as J5 at every meal.  I thought for sure he had received the perfect gene mix from my wife’s side of the family and my side of the family that would make him a 6′ 5″, 260lb, solid block of a linebacker.  But more recently he has gone from a good eater at every meal to a picky eater at every meal and a constant snacker throughout the day.

He always want’s a snack.  Apples and candy, crackers and bananas.  It doesn’t matter when or where, he wants a bite of it and he wants in NOW!  But if it is dinner you place in front of him, all he sees is a snack, and a snack is all he’ll eat out of it.

So when his hand dove into the box I knew he was intent on getting another snack.  He froze and stared into my eyes.  I stared back feeling satisfied that I had caught the snatcher red-handed and stopped the theft before it happened.

To my surprise he didn’t withdraw his hand.  Usually he responds pretty well to me even if he does throw a fit and hit the nearest object in protest.  But this time we were having a bit of a standoff.

I told him again “no, no buddy.  You just brushed your teeth.  No snacks.  It’s time for bed”.  He just squatted there, not moving a muscle and staring at me in the eyes for what felt like minutes.

Our eyes narrowed and a breeze blew a tumble weed across the room.  Vultures circled above us as the menfolk hurried the women and children from the streets.  The standoff music from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly played as we both sat waiting for the other to flinch initiating the shootout that was about to go down.

With quiet confidence I didn’t worry about making the first move because I knew that whatever he pulled out would need to be unwrapped, or un-packaged in order for him to access the snackie goodness inside.  My hope was to give him the opportunity to make the right choice by removing his hand on his own rather than me taking action and forcing him to remove his hand.

Just as I was thinking this all through, like lightning his hand shot up and to his mouth.  Finally my eyes caught up with his ninja like move and registered on a small cookie with a perfectly formed bite taken out of it.  I was shocked!  How did this 2 year old manage the stealth it took to open the bag, get his hand inside, and grip a single cookie without moving a muscle and making a noise.  The brazen defiance of my authority as his father surprised me as well.  I didn’t know he had it in him to make such a bold move.

My mind spun a bit trying to process what had just happened as I reached out and took the cookie from his hand and told him sternly “that was a very bad choice”.  He made a run for it to his mom who was trying to suppress her giggles at the humor of it all as a support to me.  A swift slap to his diaper-cushioned bum was the last straw as he climbed up into momma’s lap to have a cry.

He wasn’t crying because of the spank I had given him.  Had we been playing his reaction to that same spank would have been a laugh, it wasn’t hard enough to cause any pain.  It merely re-enforced my disappointment in him and helped him realize the opposition he was up against with the choice he had just made.

Upon further investigation I discovered that the bag of cookies was sitting down in the corner of the box wide open.  There were only a few left, so grabbing just one would be easy.  This little guy happened to see this opportunity and went for it.  Even further than that, when I was satisfied that I had stopped the snatching before it happened, I had no clue that he already had a firm grip on a cookie.  He could literally feel the rough texture in his hand and even the chocolate chip beginning to soften and smooth as he ran his warm thumb along the surface of it.

He could have a bite of that cookie and he knew it.  Everything around him was telling him he shouldn’t, or couldn’t.  But there it was, in his grasp, and he knew it could be in his mouth fulfilling his snack need.  He sat there, thought it through from every angle he could think of, and when he was certain his pursuit would be successful, he went for it!

As I knelt there, the prayer ended up being a bit of a muffled blur as my mind turned thinking about that audacious move.  He’s a good boy.  He can be a bit of a handful as he wanders the house digging into everything he possibly can.  Going from item to item, location to location, opening cupboards, picking up phones and remotes, and opening up backpacks and bags; finding anything he can get his hands on and giving them a thorough examination as he tries to figure out how it works and what it does.  But usually, he is fairly obedient if you ask him to leave it alone (even though he has to bring it to you rather than just setting it back where he got it from).  And then he is off to the next exploration.  But in this instance he determined in his mind that he needed that cookie in his mouth and he seized the opportunity to do so.

I hear those motivating stories so often about the guy that had an idea.  An idea he knew would work.  He set his mind to it and nearly lost everything he had as he scrambled and clawed his way towards success.  Now he is a hugely successful and respected business man living in the lap of luxury and soaking in the fruits of his labors.  He made it because he believed in himself and in his plan and he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

I usually walk a way feeling 6 inches taller.  My chest puffed out and my stride energetic.  My mind thinking “If he can do it so can you”.  I lay in bed that night day-dreaming and romanticizing about how it would happen for me as I stepped up to my potential and rode the wave towards enormous success.

Then the next day at work my momentum would quickly be restricted as the day-to-day realities settled in.  Thoughts like “I’m not him” or “he went to college” or “he had connections and a confidence that I didn’t” would start to cross my mind realizing that I was already chained to a career and a reality that I would simply have to live with.  Before I knew it the stars in my mind were replaced with the every day worries that needed that space more.

I have come to the conclusion that in my life I will have to work my way through life.  I won’t get a free ride and I won’t create a path that leads me to a millionaires’ life of yachts and summer homes.  And you know what?  I’m okay with that.  I find a sense of pride in my every day victories as my family moves along having what we need and not going without.

In fact, this process of purchasing this building has really made me check myself.  As I have looked over the numbers in relation to my business and my personal finances; we are doing quite well.  Well enough that I feel proud of myself (and that is a rare thing for me to feel).  This is as a result of the times that I stepped up and went for the opportunities that I saw.  When the need was there, I was ready to take action and make it happen.

Now that’s not to say that with a bit more confidence and a more ready willingness to take larger risks I may be in a different spot.  I honestly do believe that anybody can be hugely successful if they determine themselves to be.  But at what cost?   And for what purpose?  For my son, the bite of the cookie was enough.  Yes, he probably could have grabbed the bag and made a swift ninja roll underneath the bed and proceeded to stuff the remaining 5 in his mouth before we could have stopped him.  He, in that instance, would have been 4.75 cookies richer than he was only having taken the single bite.  But what would have been the consequences of that choice?

Instead, the single bite was enough.  His mom chuckled, his dad was surprised at his gall, and his taste buds were satisfied.  The risk was the stern retort from his father and a swift spank that, if he were his sister, he would have boldly said “that didn’t hurt”.  But within 60 seconds the tears were dry and daddy was kissing him goodnight as he incrementally lowered him into bed with a “whao” at each level as daddy searched for the smile and giggles of his little boy.  I don’t condone his choice to disobey dad.  But the boy got what he wanted and I’ve gotta give him props for that.

As we search for our successes we need to have a confidence in ourselves that will allow us to push closer and closer to our potential.  There will be calculated risks that we need to take.  They stretch us and force growth upon us that will be for our good.  But that needs to be balanced with what the real purpose of our success is.  Yes, we call millionaires and billionaires successful.  But does it come at the cost of a broken home, addictions, and health problems?  Do they have children who don’t know their fathers or who don’t care as long as their trust funds don’t run out?  At what cost?

It’s important to know what we want and then to go for it.  But we need to make sure that those wants are for the right reasons and achieved in the right way.

 

I recently read an entertaining and thought-provoking post that a friend of mine wrote entitled: It’s My Birthday! Here’s A Lesson For Every Year I’ve Lived.  As I read the list of lessons he had learned I found myself thinking that if I were to make a similar list, my answers would nearly mirror his.  That is,  with the exception of lesson #26;  I agree with The Office, but I’d have to place Psych as the close second.

After reading the post, I enjoyed it so much that I began one of my own.  But like I mentioned before, it was nearly an exact duplicate of what I had read.  So rather than doing a very poor job of plagiarism, I decided that maybe instead of focusing on lessons I have learned, maybe I need to focus on the lessons I just CAN’T seem to learn.

I’m not going to try and come up with one for every year of my life because, well frankly, I don’t want to admit that I can easily come up with 34 lessons that I can’t seem to learn.  But also because I believe in baby steps.  So I’ll just start with a few and once I’ve mastered those, maybe we can revisit the subject.

So here we go! 10 Lessons that I just CAN’T seem to learn:

1- Not every bump in the road results in a worst case scenario.
I had the chance to visit with my oldest sister at length today and as we spoke of some different challenges we were facing in our lives she mentioned that she was pretty confident that anxiety was an inherited trait from my father’s side of the family.

You see, I have this impulse to jump to what the worst case scenario would be when something goes wrong; I spot an oil leak under my vehicle and it means the whole engine has exploded, or, I have a message from my loan officer at the bank saying “can you call me as soon as you get a chance” and suddenly my whole business is in ruins in my mind.

Okay, I usually don’t stray that far from reality, but I’ll give you an example from today on this.  So I walk into my office and go to make a plate on my plate maker.  (A plate is basically the “master image” that my printing presses use to print from.  So it is a key component to every job.)  I had just received a rush order that I needed to pound out real quick before I could head for home.

I go in, flip the switch on the platemaker and nothing…….. so I turn it off and back on again.  Still nothing.  My heart starts to pound and my mind begins to race.  I pull my ear bud out so I can focus and switch it on again……I can hear a faint “tick” from inside and a very quiet “hum” but it is not making the sounds that it should.

This is when my world begins to spiral out of control. I immediately determine that some crucial circuit inside the machine has failed and now the machine won’t run.  This means that I am going to: A. Miss my rush order deadline which will lead to my client loosing faith in me and possibly pulling jobs.  B. I’ll have to hire a technician to come and fix the problem and he has to come from a minimum of 200 miles away meaning days down and a HUGE bill to be paid.  And finally C. The machine is old enough that it can’t be fixed because parts are discontinued so I now not only have to pay the HUGE technician bill but also somehow find the money to purchase a new machine.

Well, while I was pulling at my thick head of hair and checking my pulse to make sure I didn’t go into cardiac arrest, I happened to notice the set of switches that are right at the eye level of my 2 year old son.  Long story short, even though we have told him 927,321 times not to push the buttons, he found the most critical switch and flipped it into the off position restricting the platemaker from fully powering up.

And so the story goes: The leak from the car is simply a loose drain plug and the bank called to let me know financing would be easier than they anticipated.  I think back and realize that pretty much never have I experienced the worst case scenario, and even further than that, 95% of the time the solution is super simple and easy.  So why do I continue to jump to the worst case scenarios???

2- 9 out of 10 times pizza is going to give me heartburn.  Seriously dude, I know that one time it didn’t, but guaranteed the next 9 times it will and you will regret it.  So if you are going to take that chance, be willing to live with the consequences without whining about it the entire evening.

3- You will NEVER have your kids figured out.  I think I went into having children with the same naivety that I went into my business with.  I was raised in a family with 4 other siblings; 2 older sisters, one older brother, and one younger sister.  A good mix.  I had a chance to watch my older siblings get married and have kids of their own and had taken mental notes of what I approved of in their child rearing and things I didn’t approve of.  My wife and I also spent countless hours researching the best techniques that Joe and Cesar offered on Supernanny and Dog Whisperer.

Everyday I determine a new solution that WILL solve the problem and put me back on top again and everyday I am on the bottom with some strange stunned look glazing over my eyes.  I can’t figure them out, but I keep telling myself that I can AND will.

4- No matter how well thought out that list is that you made for the hardware store, you will make a minimum of three trips before you complete your project.

5-The general public is NOT as observant as you think they are/should be.
The winter season tends to be a bit slower for me at my business.  Even better, my largest clients are either pretty much shut down for the winter season, or choose the week between Christmas and New Years to close down and run on a skeleton crew.  So it is a great opportunity for me and my associates to close down, take several days off, and enjoy a well deserved break.

I usually try to close that entire week as well, but some of my staff wish to work during that break so they don’t miss out on too many hours for their next check.  So, to make a happy compromise our hours of operation are a bit irregular for about two weeks around the holidays.

After coming back from that Christmas break, and back to our normal schedule, I happened to be out working on a rouge computer as one of my staff approached the counter to help a customer who had just walked through the door.  The customer immediately opened the conversation with “I thought you were closed!?!”.  My staff member politely said “Nope, we are here from 10am – 6pm Monday-Friday, how can we help you?”.  The customer’s response: “No, I mean I thought you had closed for good!”.

Come to find out she had come to our business during that span that our hours were a bit irregular.  She had made the trip twice and tried calling our phone a few times as well.  She just happened to catch us each time on a day that we were off and came to the conclusion that we had shut our doors for good.

I was not only quite concerned and started to lapse into panic mode worried about how many other customers had made the same assumption (refer to item 1), but I was quite astonished and honestly a bit irritated.

You see, I had made every effort to warn and notify our customers of our irregular schedule during that time period.  These notifications began before Thanksgiving with a vibrantly designed and printed, 13×19 inch poster, eye-level on our glass door and smack dab on the top of our front counter right next to the register.  Also, we added a special announcement on our voicemail message and auto-replies on our emails.

So how did this lady manage to miss the printed poster on our door and the voicemail message on our phone when she came, and called, more than once!?!?!  And these experiences happen on a regular basis.  So why in the world do I fret and worry so much about notifying my customers of our hours of operation, or any information really, when without fail they fail to notice it?

6- You aren’t a teenager anymore.  On a recent excursion to a ruin, I found myself about 7 feet from the ground on a rock outcropping.  I had climbed up there to get a closer look and to do some photography of the ruin that had been built there thousands of years earlier.

The sensible thing to do would be to shimmy down in a slow, methodical, controlled decent.  But what is the fun in that?  The juniper trees spread below me and the grit I felt under my hands awakened my senses as I viewed the ground sloping before me.

My mind raced back to my youth and the races my brother and I would have down the steep slopes that fell away from the towering red-rock mesas we were raised under.  We would turn to eye each other and a telling grin would creep to our faces….and then we were off!  Both of us tearing down the hillsides, our shoes filling with sand, leaping over bushes, side-stepping un-earthed roots, doing fancy-footwork from rock to rock, all in a semi-controlled amateurish form of parkour as the adrenaline pumped through our veins.  Gravity pulled at us as we pumped our legs in long strides descending like a snowball only gaining mass, and speed, the further it tumbled down the hill.

Finally we’d find ourselves at the bottoms heaving in and out as we laughed and enjoyed the satisfaction of yet another successful descent.  I honestly don’t remember that we ever kept track of who won the race; I think at this point we were pretty well matched in size and speed.  But time and time again the challenge would arise and neither of us would, or wanted, to back down.

So I sat there in a squat at the edge of the outcrop readying myself for the type of leap I had done a thousand times before.  After all, my buddy had just done it and he’s hardly younger than me.

I leapt, landed, and cushioned the momentum by a three step jog to a halt.  I then turned and proceeded to put my camera away safely in its bag as a strained perplexing look crossed my face in an attempt to cover up the discomfort I had just felt.

You see, as I landed I proceeded to feel every joint in my body jar together in a compression that was so sudden and shocking.  But I couldn’t focus on that on account of my love handles and, well I don’t know how else to put this, man boobs plummeting down to my ankles, then up to my eyes, and finally back to their original location….well maybe a few centimeters lower now.  It felt like a shock-wave hitting my body suddenly reminding myself that I am twice the age my mind thinks I am and about 60 pounds heavier than my mind remembers me being.

This again happens time and time and time again.  You’d think that I could simply look down and be reminded of these painful, yet true, facts of life.  But somehow that doesn’t register until after I have preformed the stunt.

7- My wife is right even if I don’t think she is…. If you need an explanation or example for this, my guess is that you haven’t been married or you have at least two ex-wives.

8- Soda is bad for you…..full stop. And yet I find myself sitting here, massaging the keyboard, sipping on a cold soda.  Referring back to item 6; I know that the additional weight I carry is from: A- My bad eating habits (I’ll save that one for another day).  B- Stress.  C- Soda.  I have heard time and time again stories of those men who simply cut out soda and immediately lose 20 pounds.  Along with the weight loss, other health benefits would follow as your body stops depending on the sugars and other ingredients that are mixed into that fizzy goodness.  So why can’t I just say goodbye to the beautiful, ice cold, fizzy sweet drink and hello to a more sexy me?

9- Stepping away for a minute can often be the quickest way to solve a problem.  I have proven this method so many times.  In fact, I think this method may be what has contributed to my soda habit as stepping away wold step me towards the fountain drinks across the street.

At my print shop I find myself wearing many different hats, often switching that hat up to 10 times in one hour.  I remember venting to my wife some time a go and coming to the realization that instead of having the title of “Owner/Operator” in our business, my title should actually read “Fireman” because I feel like some days all  I do is put out fires.

A copy machine is jammed and they can’t figure out how to clear it, then there is a price question that needs to be answered, we are out of paper and this job is due tomorrow, the PC isn’t connecting to the KIP…..AGAIN!, this customer has a complaint about the job they picked up three weeks ago, and on and on it goes.

On days like this I find myself in the shop, alone, completely dark outside because it is now 9pm and I am pushing further into an already 11 hour work day.  I have finally started working through the jobs that I needed to complete that day and all I can think about is getting home to my soft, comfy, recliner.

Then it happens……when I only have 1,500 more sheets to run before I can do a quick clean up and head for home, some random issue presents itself.  It doesn’t matter that the press has run perfectly for the last 15,000 impressions.  It has decided to start acting in protest when faced with the last 10% of the job.

Usually what happens is that I start frantically trying to make it run with little or no effort.  I mean, I’m nearly there!  If I can just limp it along and get the job over with…..  But typically, it isn’t enough and I eventually realize that the issue needs more attention than I was willing to give.

As I dig deeper into the issue I begin to gain Tunnel Vision.  I become so focused on solving the problem, getting more and more agitated and frustrated with every minute that passes, that I eventually jerk out of the machine with steam coming out of my ears shrieking out like a crazed bandit and throwing something hard at the ground to prove my alpha position among the machines that cower in my presence.

This very scenario happened not too long ago.  I want to say that I was hitting about the 11:30pm mark.  My plan for that day had started off really well.  I was feeling chipper and motivated.  Things were going my way and only added to my positive momentum…..and then I went to work.  From there it just spiraled out of control.  I was rushing from station to station with my fire-hose putting out that fire, or at least containing it, and then moving on to the next call.  Finally about closing time I was able to make an exhausted start on my jobs.

I pushed through one by one, checking it off of my list and climbing back into the drivers’ seat of the next one.  So why now?  Why couldn’t you just keep running strong until the last job was done so we can both just shut down and go home?  I towered over my Heidelberg press heaving in and out deep breaths as my hands trembled slightly.  Finally, I stormed out of the door and into the dark night.

I paced the parking lot for a moment.  A one-sided argument building and defending myself in my mind.  Finally I decided that this anger and tension that had wound itself up so tightly inside of me was not doing the situation any good.  So I took a walk.

With a population of right around 5000, the town is pretty well silent at this hour.  The streets were empty, and the buildings dark.  The temperature was pretty much perfect and I could finally feel my blood pressure settling back down to a normal state.  My stride had fallen into a rhythm as I rounded the corner and headed down the next street.

I tried hard to push the feelings of anxiousness to get home I had inside.  Trying to calm the whiny “why me” voice that had risen up inside of me.  I was crashing my pity party but the way a loving friend would so as not to show my irritation with myself, but to empathize in a constructive manner as I guided myself back to a solution to the problem.

20 minutes later the last sheets were coming off of the press.  A quick clean-up and the keys were swinging around my finger as I walked across the parking lot to my car.  I couldn’t help but chuckle inside reflecting on how simple the solution was.  Why was it so hard to see at first?

I hate to admit it, but similar scenarios happen to me all the time.  And in each case  I always push harder, thinking frantically that I just need to hurry and figure this out so I can move on; I don’t have time for this problem so I need a solution now!  But in every case if I had just calmed down, taken a step back, and approached it with a different attitude, I could have solved the problem much quicker than the hyper-agitated focused me.

10- Do it right the first time.  This can quite literally apply to every aspect of life from hiring new employees to parenting.  Setting the standard on the first day will solve so many problems in the years to come.

I recently spent two days scrubbing and cleaning until I had more forearm burn than Popeye after eating a can of spinach.  What was meant to be a standard check-up on my printing press had turned into a thorough work-over because I was not doing the simple things on my daily clean-ups.  That lackadaisical approach to my daily clean-ups meant that inks hardened and built up in areas they weren’t supposed to causing pressure issues, loss of image quality, and many more issues besides the amount of effort and time it took to bring it back to how it was supposed to be.

It never ceases to amaze me how easy something is to maintain versus making the larger corrections down the road when issues start to show themselves.  And yet, I am still having to learn that lesson again and again.

Well, there you have it!  10 lessons that I just CAN’T seem to learn.  I’m sure you have a list of your own, and maybe you will laugh to yourself at a few of these because they mirror a few of yours.  But at the end of the day it bothers me that I not only see the problem, but I have also identified the solution to most of these.  So why can’t I simply implement the solution and move forward a better man?

 

Today in Getting to Know You I have the pleasure to introduce you to Benjamin from BossDad who has been blogging since October 2017. He is a father of two children, a businessman, a boss dad, and he shares his adventures. His blog is very good, and I personally like the quote he chose: “Don’t demand things […]

via Getting to Know Benjamin! — Ultimatetravel

It seems like too often I find myself not allowing myself to celebrate and bask in the glory of my accomplishments.  I pawn the credit off on others, avoid the spotlight, and bathe in the constant flow of worry and fear that I keep the tap open on.

Today is my 34th birthday.  It should be a beautiful day of celebration and excitement but I simply find myself at work this morning pondering and worrying over what the next year is going to bring.  We are looking at moving our business, I have machines that need to be replaced…..expensive machines, I’m feeling inadequate as a father, and 2017 simply beat me down.  Will I recover this year?

And then I change my perspective and think; We are looking to move our business….this is a sign of success and will be a huge financial step as we begin investing that lease payment into an asset of our own as we purchase this building.  The expensive machines that need to be replaced have been well used, showing the demand that is placed on them and the income they are bringing to our business, pushing it towards these successes.  I am a father, married to a beautiful and, quite simply, amazing mother.  My children love me.  I am involved with them and put in effort to be there.  I’m doing good as a father and the love that is felt in our home is proof of that.

2017 was hard and 2018 may be even harder.  But all of these things are signs of success.  So why can’t I celebrate?  Why can’t I be a bit selfish and say “I made this man; I am where I am because of me”?

I am a 34 year old business owner who didn’t crack under pressure when it was layered on time and time again.  I am finding paths to success and making it happen.  I am a father that works hard to take care of his family, provide for their needs, and seizes opportunities to be in their lives.  I love their mother and together we work hard to make our home a happy, safe, and loving place to be.  I’m doing better than many when it comes to this.

But instead of taking pride in who I am and what I’ve done, I shrink into corners rationalizing that I am only where I am because of help I’ve received along the way, or circumstances that routed me towards where I am.  That in most cases I’ve just been a passenger along for the ride.

Now here is where I insert a personal view:  I am a religious man with a deep belief in a God and the help and support he can give us, and more importantly, wants to give us.  I do attribute all I am and all I have to Him.  But along with that religious belief comes a belief in freedom of choice.  That we are allowed to make our own choices whether they be for good or for bad.

So I think we should be allowed to give ourselves credit where credit is due.  The recently late religious leader Thomas S. Monson once said: “May we maintain the courage to defy the consensus. May we ever choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong.”

I think the “consensus” of the world is to take the easy route; to not have to deal with the discomfort of changing, trying, or fighting for goals.  To walk away from a marriage or relationship rather than fighting to renew it because we gave our word years ago that we would.  To declare bankruptcy rather than putting in the extra hours, blood, sweat, and tears when you are getting collection calls and past due notices.  Because you made a commitment to that financial institution that you would pay them back and your conscious won’t let you set that aside.

The consensus is too often to let a device or other media be the babysitter when you get home and are too tired to spend time with your child.  To let that media raise and train your child what the world expects rather than sharing your expectations and wisdom to prepare them for the false advertising and misguided ways and views the world presents daily.

These are all choices I have had to make within the last decade of my life.  I’m not climbing up on my high horse especially since the last time I was on my horse I nearly got bucked off (true story…..).  But what I am saying is this:  when the choices are laid before us; when we fight, struggle, bleed, and bear the burden of going against what our body or the “consensus” tells us is OK and push ourselves up the long, rocky slope towards what our mind and heart tells us is right.  When we have proceeded with conviction, whether we have stumbled and slipped during that pursuit, to finally find a success, then we deserve a bit of a pat on the back.

I deserve to celebrate this day and who I am.  My loved ones feel to help me celebrate, recognizing my effect and influence on their lives.  So why shouldn’t I?  This is my day, my mile-stone, my life.  I chose to be here, I chose to be who I am, and I have fought daily to maintain and support those choices.  Yes, I had help.  Yes, I had support.  And yes, I made plenty of mistakes and missteps along the way.  But even those that have help and support still choose to not live up to their potential.  They choose to allow those missteps to define them rather than fighting back and pushing forward.

I think I have reason to celebrate and I think I deserve to celebrate.  So maybe today I will take off a bit early, I mean I am the boss, and go do something that will relieve a little stress.  I’ll go where I can be surrounded by loved ones and bask in this day.  I’ll celebrate my life for what it has been, albeit imperfect, and what it can be as the years keep rolling in.

Happy Birthday BossDad!  You earned it!

 

 

 

Dec. 24th, Sunday Morning about 9:00am

I’ve been texting with a good friend of mine from High School all weekend.  He is in town and we are trying to find a time to get together to just catch up but also so he can share some photography tips and allow me to pick his brain.

It’s been hard because I have had family down all weekend and those weekends fill up quick with activities.  Of course my family is my priority but I haven’t seen him for some time.

I am in charge of Christmas Even dinner tonight.  The turkey has been brining and should be ready to go in the oven as soon as we get home from church around noon.  Then I should have some free time to swing by and say hi.  The plan is laid and I’m off to church.

Sunday 1:45pm

I rush to get changed, get the turkey in the oven with temp probes inserted, and Sami is loaded so I can take my buddy and his wife out for a quick look at a slot canyon.

Surprisingly, even growing up in this area, he has never been to this canyon even though it is so close to home.  This makes it an extra treat for me and them as we enjoy this canyon together.

The passageway is narrow and the red slick-rock walls rise beside us.  It is December but quite pleasant to be honest.  Maybe a bit chilly in the depths of the slot canyon, cold enough to create a few icicles in a seep high in a cove on the wall.

The canyon isn’t very well lit this time of year because the sun is hanging so far to the south.  But a quick glance up to the sky reminds you that the sun is still out and sharing it’s warmth.  The canyon is beautiful and the opportunity to reconnect with this friend has been great.

Sunday afternoon about 5pm

The turkey has reached temperature earlier than I thought it would.  It’s out and the side dishes are in motion.  My mother and sister are due to arrive around 6pm and that should be just about right.

Sunday 7:30pm

Dinner is great.  I feel the turkey was a bit dry, but then again, I am more particular at these things than most.  I stuff myself just the same and sit in my favorite chair, legs up, basking in how over-full my belly feels.

My thoughts are turned to this week.  Tomorrow, Monday, is Christmas Day.  It will be a simple day spent with my little family.  No plans, no appointments, no schedule.  Just get up, open presents, and enjoy a lazy day at home.

The rest of the week should be about the same.  Winter tends to be a bit slower for us at our business.  Especially between Christmas and New Year it really dies down as families travel and such.  So I usually try to close completely for that week.  But, understandably, my employees pay check ends up being quite small with that much time away from work so the routine has been to open for a couple of days between so they can put in a few hours.

But, even though the shop is scheduled to be open on Wed – Friday, I have told them to not expect the boss in.  I am taking advantage of this slow period and staying away from work.  This is a chance to be with my family, take care of some projects around the house, and just be lazy quite honestly!

So I settle into the evening with a crooked smile on my face.  My stomach is full and I’ll probably snack some more later tonight.  Why not!?!?  This week is MY week!

Dec. 25th, Monday about 7:30 am

J5 has stuck to her fear of Santa.  So, in our house, Santa just doesn’t come.  Even though there are presents under the tree we have been able to maintain a normal wake-up call and even manage to eat breakfast before the presents are pulled out and ripped open in excitement.

Monday about 9am

We have enjoyed a great Christmas morning.  Gifts were given and received and those were followed by hugs and kisses both given and received.  We are now settling into a comfortable, take it at your own pace, day.

Playing with toys, both the little kids and the big kids, and just being feels so good.  I feel like it has been so long since I’ve just shut the world off, lowering my blood pressure (and I’m not kidding) and just tried to not have a schedule.

I’ve talked about my struggle with Time before.  I was having that struggle now.  It’s hard to not do any of the “important” things that I know need my attention.  But by not doing any of the “important” things I am doing the most important things by just being with my family and experiencing the joy and satisfaction that is found within the walls of my home.

What a beautiful Christmas Day

Dec. 26th, Tuesday about 9am

It’s time to head outside and start taking care of business.  I have plans later today to go for a drive with my family and one of my best buddies. He is down with his wife from MN and we always have a great time together.

The work-shop at home has become a disaster of my own making over the last few months.  That whole Time issue has pushed me through projects that needed my attention but prohibited me from doing a thorough clean-up following the completion of that project.

As I put tools away, put garbage in the bin, and organize at a slow but effective pace; my mind wanders.  I’m not really focused on any particular subject but they are all fighting for my full focus.

2017 has been a bit of a hard year for me.  There has been a lot of emotion that I have kept bottled up inside as I’ve plowed forward in my daily pursuits.  I am finding myself somewhat excited about 2018 and the “fresh start” it might offer me.  A chance to peel away the old, dead skin and start renewed.

Tuesday 3pm

I keep thinking “what a beautiful day!”.  We are nearing the trail head and I am excited to finally deliver on the goods I had promised a good couple of years earlier.

It’s a small Anasazi Ruin that took my wife and I three attempts to find.  But it is remote and fairly well preserved, tucked up into the side of a rock face.  My friend and his wife came with us on our second attempt some time ago.  So I was excited to show them what we had finally found.

I wonder what it was like to have such simple lives.  I’m sure they didn’t think it was simple as everything they did was focused on daily survival.  But to live in small units and all working together to just provide the necessities almost sounds like a weird dream-land.

This small dwelling, perched up on this ledge, was what their world evolved around.  There was no city to go visit to do their shopping at, no 9-5 jobs that ate up their energy and attention, no devices to clutter their thoughts.  They were focused on the basics and we have strayed so far from that!

Dec. 27th, Wednesday 8:30am

Begrudgingly, I am driving into work.  I planned to have this whole week off to do what I wanted, when I wanted.  I agreed to open the shop, not because we would be busy, but so my employees could get a few hours in so their check wasn’t so slim through the holidays.

Then one employee plans to be gone and I get a text saying the second scheduled to work today is too sick.  So that leaves me as the only other trained individual to run the front counter and register.  My suspicions are that she is fibbing, wanting the extra day off, but either way, I told my customers with signs, voicemail greeting, and email notices that the shop would be open today.

Wednesday about 2:30pm

I’ve been working on my lunch for about an hour now.  A bite here and a bite there as I jump from station to station keeping the jobs going.  It hasn’t been what I would call a busy day, but more of a steady day.  Not really a chance to catch my breath, but not hectic either.  I am grateful for that!

Through the work I am trying to maintain a positive attitude.  I’ve been meaning to get back out here and make sure I still have a handle on how to do everything.  This is a good refresher for me.  I’m also getting a chance to see some areas that need a bit more attention.

I had to put off a drive and a hike with my buddy but I’ve got the rest of the week to figure that out.

Dec. 28th, Thursday 10:30am

I’ve gone from a screw, to relocating stripped out lag bolts, and now good ‘ol bailing wire.  I’ve been messing with this sign at my Dad’s shop for a half hour now.  I think the wire should hold it.

I head inside to put the ladder away and quickly get sidetracked by the nostalgia that swiftly takes over my senses.  As I wander slowly from showcase to showcase, overflowing with vintage cameras, lenses, and accessories, I can’t help but feel so impressed and proud of my father.

I find similitude with him nearly on a daily basis.  I was definitely cut from the same cloth when it comes to comparing our likes, dislikes, and the basic things that make us tick.  But in this moment his pedestal is raised even higher.  A great man who built a great legacy.

Thursday about Noon

T2 has been talking and “ooohing and ahhing”, comfortably nestled in his back-pack carrier that is strapped to my shoulders as we hike around the edge of the mesa.  It’s another beautiful day today.  I slow down and wait for a second as my beautiful wife and daughter catch up behind myself, my buddy, and his wife.

When I have someone who can keep pace along with me I too often get talking and walking and forget that my legs stride longer than my wife’s, and even more so, than my daughters legs can keep up.

They weren’t far behind and my heart melts a little as I watch them coming towards me.  Today just kinda feels like paradise.  At this moment there isn’t a worry or concern on my mind.  I feel complete with my family here next to me, one literally being carried on my shoulders, headed into this neat area on such perfect day.

Thursday 12:45pm

This little amp-theater, hidden behind some trees, is another ancient Anasazi dwelling location.  What makes this one different, and why we wanted to bring our friends here to see it, is the hand prints that are painted on the walls.  Several of them in a row, a few more scattered around as you continue to look, and I’m sure many more that have disappeared over time as nature takes it’s course.

It’s a bit chilly in the shade of this cove.  But lunch and laughter warms us up.

Thursday 2:45pm

I’ve been here many times and every time my curiosity is teased by the unknown.  How deep does it go, what feeds it, is there life in it….   It’s a small body of water that would nearly go unnoticed if you didn’t walk all the way up to it.  The rock face surrounding it is vibrant with unique swirls, slots, and colors, with the small jewel of water nestled at the base in a dark hole.  You almost think twice about approaching it’s edge as, seemingly, at any moment an albino crocodile might lunge out looking for it’s next meal.

This little hidden lake, which is much more the size of a small pond, is another unique feature tucked in the walls near my home.

I love that there is so much diversity here and am reminded why I work so hard to make a living in this little town.  The sacrifice of having to work on my own yesterday seems to now be OK as I stand enjoying the view and soaking in the time I am spending with my family and the memories we are making in this moment.

Dec. 29th, Friday 1:30pm

Guess what?!?!?  Yup, I’m at work again.  Both employees scheduled to work today are sitting next to their toilets, pounding heads, waiting for the next wave of nausea to be relieved by……well, I won’t get too graphic.

They are both sick……… again, leaving only me, again, to run the shop on my own.  And right now I am hungry but can’t leave to get lunch because I am running jobs and helping customers.

I knew that I would have to come into work at least once this week because I had a few jobs I needed to run in order to prepare for next week.  But my hope was that I could come in on a quiet evening and work after dark.  That time of the day is usually wasted sitting on the sofa watching Psych re-runs (actually that’s not a waste of time; it’s quality entertainment!!! You know that’s right!  Whaaaaaaaaaat!!!) But it is time that the kids are in bed and adventuring is usually concluded once it turns dark.

Again I am trying to keep a positive outlook.  It honestly has been a good refresher for me to be out here running the day to day front counter, answer the phone, doing the “need it now” type jobs.  I am feeling a bit relieved as this experience has confirmed that I still got it!  I haven’t forgotten how to do all of this stuff.

Dec. 30th, Saturday 2pm

The timing should be just about right.  I can’t wait to get out to Sami so I can finish exploring a canyon I had found originally about a year and half ago.  I just have about 300 more sheets to print, then it’s clean up, lights out, and off to the dirt!

I have been trying to gather my stuff together while running this job.  I’m still a bit irritated that I couldn’t have done this work when I wanted rather than being forced to run it this morning because of the two days I had to fill in for sick employees.  But in under a half hour I’ll be out on my own, seeing some new ground.

Saturday 4:15pm

There it is!  The stunning canyon I had only seen from a distance until this moment.  My camera is in my hands and I am attempting to capture the awe and grandeur I am experiencing.  I love being able to find a spot like this that is so neat and unique and be able to experience it alone for the first time.

I love to share these places with loved ones, don’t get me wrong, but the peaceful excitement of being able to soak it in piece by piece and step by step, at my own pace, without interruptions or distractions, just fills my soul with a healing nectar that I can’t describe.

My pup, Izzy, is attempting to follow me everywhere I go.  Her and I have shared so many adventures over the last 10 or so years.  But she just can’t keep up like she used to.  I can see her age, not only in the gray under her chin and the lack of athletic coordination she used to have, but also in her eyes.  I can see her willingness and excitement to be there in that moment with me but also a sense of longing to be on a soft bed, with me also, but in a more relaxing setting.

Her body is beginning to fail her puppy exuberance and that is heartbreaking for me.  I had considered leaving her at home today.  She would be bored while I was at the shop running my jobs and I wasn’t sure what the days’ ride or adventure would all entail.  But I am so happy I brought her.  She needed a little adventure.  She’s been my right-hand gal through a lot of these adventures but I’m realizing those days are now numbered.

Saturday 5:30pm

This week has been a good week.  I feel like I have achieved balance fairly well.  The plans I had for this week were taken, blended, and thrown into the air, but I still did everything I wanted to.

I’ve been able to just be lazy and hang out at home.  I had a chance to re-connect with an old friend and show him and his wife a piece of the heaven I get to live in.  I was able to spend some quality time with my family and make some great memories without the stress of work looming overhead.  I was able to take some time to visit with one of my best friends during the window that he was in town for and got to adventure with them as well.  Work called me out but even though it was forced and unexpected, it wasn’t an inconvenience and I was able to fulfill my duty and obligation there without allowing it to interfere with my life.

This evening has just been the icing on the cake.  This little canyon is amazing.  I have explored and soaked it in the best I could.  I even was able to play with a new toy by getting some aerial footage with a drone.

Sitting here overlooking the valley I feel so much peace.  The anxieties that the world places as stumbling blocks before me are forgotten while the thoughts of family, home, health, and other daily blessings pass through my mind.  I really do have it good.  Too often I complain about work getting in the way and eating up so much time and energy, or how it doesn’t allow for a consistent schedule so I can make routines of exercise so I can do something about this spare tire I’ve developed.

I complain about how the stress haunts me and eats at me day and night.  How there are too many problems and not enough solutions.  But in this moment those complaints, those problems have gained a sense of value.  The source of those problems is also the source of the lifestyle I am living.  It is providing me a means to take care of my family, while living in this beautiful area, and financing my adventures here.

I think it’s time to stop complaining……

I’ve grown to love this mountain over the last few years of my life

Many people might look at it and scoff sighting the nearby mountains as much more accessible, friendly, and having more resources for recreation enjoyment.

But this love hasn’t been born from a recreational experience per say. It is much like the love that you develop for an old, beater of a vehicle. A love that didn’t start because it was shiny and new and the car of your dreams. But because it left you stranded the very day you brought it home. Or because you’ve spent more money than it was worth and now can’t afford to sell it because you have so much time, energy, and tears invested into it.

Without writing a novel to explain why I feel this way about this mountain, I will keep my explanation short:  I love this mountain because it has beaten me down and then rewarded me openly. I have had a chance to see some of the most remote beauties it holds as I’ve battled it over the years.

I will also testify that it holds some of the most amazing night skies that your eyes will ever behold. I learned this on a crisp morning, around 1am, as our party was about a third of the way into the 7 mile hike back to camp after another miserable, and yet rewarding, day.  I was leading the pack as my headlamp was the brightest.  I couldn’t help but continually looking up to see the brilliant heavens above me through the shimmering mist of my headlamp reflecting off my breath.

The Dutton holds some dear memories to me and this year I was able to get a tag to hunt elk there. I have been so busy with work, community, and family events that I haven’t had the chance to get out. I realized that this past weekend would be my last chance so it was now or never and my freezer is getting alarmingly low. My brother-in-law is typically my hunting buddy and we tried to find a time we could both go.  But there were just too many conflicts.

So here comes the part where I tell you never to do something I’m about to do: I decided that I was going to go on my own. I want you to know that I strongly advise against this. I don’t recommend it at all and never will. I do it too often and it is a choice I make against my better judgment.  But I do make it because I really just enjoy being alone sometimes. And more than enjoy, I actually think I need it!

But, because I knew I would be going alone, I took special precautions:
First – I told more than one person where I was going, what my tentative travel plans were, and what my tentative timeline was going to be. And while I was there I stuck to that plan.

Second – There was no snow. Now this was a big one! It has been a very dry winter. This was a big reason why I decided to go. Snow can cause so many problems, especially if I did end up having to spend the night, so not having snow lowered the risk significantly. I knew I could build fires, travel would be easier, more people would be in that area because it was still accessible, etc.

Third – I made sure that I had my GPS with spare batteries, that I had my phone with a spare battery bank to charge from, that I had my headlamp, with spare batteries and that could be charged from the spare battery bank, that I had a good map, and that I studied that map before I went. Also, I kept an eye on my phone for a signal and checked in with my contacts letting them know where I was currently and how I was doing.

Fourth – I brought extras of everything. I mean an extra, even warmer, coat than what I needed, extra socks, extra food, extra water. I had the space in my Samurai and there was no reason not to.

Fifth – The basics. By the basics I mean the things I carry in my pack, all of the time, wherever I go. I’ll do a specific post just on this that you can see here called My Go Bag.

Sixth – I planned, and forced myself to stick to the plan, of not going far from main roads (and by main I mean the dirt roads that looked like a road versus two-track, four wheeler trails) and to not walk more than 1 mile from Sami. This was a hard one, but a safe one.

Seventh – I pulled Sami into the shop days before and checked over everything. Fluid levels, tires, bolts that are notorious for coming loose, etc. I just gave it a good once over to make sure everything was good as far as I could tell.  I try to do this before every use.

So with all of these preparations made, I loaded Sami on the flat-bed trailer. Packed all I could in the vehicle so there was less to do in the morning, and went to bed.

5am came quickly and I was up, dressed, and eating a banana, Nutella, peanut butter boat: a slice of bread with CHUNKY, not smooth, peanut butter on one half and Nutella on the other. Slap your banana in the middle and wrap the bread around like a hotdog bun.  I poured some milk in a Princess Sofia bottle with a sport lid I ‘borrowed’ from my daughter and  headed out the door to hit the road.

I arrived at my unload spot just as the sky was turning orange to the east. Perfect timing. I unloaded and hit the road. My rifle sat in the passenger seat next to me with my camera even closer. I wasn’t sure what shot I’d need to take first but I wanted both close by, ready to go.

The landscape around be was getting brighter and brighter as I rattled closer and closer to the base of the mountain. I was criss-crossing a stream, that was frozen solid, and could already feel my internal sanity-driven battery bank being re-charged with every mile. It was quite chilly outside, but inside the cab of Sami I was toasty warm.

I came around a bend and down the hill below me I could see a small herd of mule deer. I immediately stopped, reached over, unzipped my camera bag, and pulled out my camera. They were a good 100 yards away, so I swapped lenses to my telephoto so I could get a better shot. I snapped off a few shots as they meandered out of the valley and over the next ridge. I sat in silence for just a bit, taking in my surroundings, but I had a lot of ground to cover so I fired Sami back up, shifted into first gear, and started off again.

The day continued like this as I worked my way around the base of the mountain slowly. I had decided today would be more about the adventure than about harvesting meat. I knew my chances were low as you count yourself lucky to find elk on the Dutton near a road. Typically our success was found far off the beaten path. So today was about the journey and what a journey I was having!

I had seen many, many deer, pheasants, and a few hawks. And that’s just the wildlife. The scenery was beautiful and the drive was glorious. My thoughts were able to wander, ponder, and explore freely with no radio and no one else around. Again, the only word I can think of to describe the feeling I get in moments like this is therapeutic.

I eventually turned onto the Cottonwood road. It would lead me up a draw, climbing in elevation constantly, and finally up on top of the mountain where we would reach about 10,000ft. In the past we have made two attempts at this road. But they have both been in the snow which made it impossible. So I was excited to see it through to it’s completion this time.

As I chugged along in no particular hurry I was amazed at how differently everything looked without snow. The immediate surroundings were almost unrecognizable. Only when I looked further at more prominent landmarks did my memory align with what my eyes saw.

The road was following along another frozen creek and I kept seeing glimpses of color on the ice. I finally decided to pull over and investigate further. There was a natural pull-out next to an old stump with some neat coloring. This would make a great spot for lunch.

I did a bit of photography, waiting on my knees almost fuzing to the cold ice, for the sun to peek through the clouds. I never did get the shot of the ice I had hoped for, but found that the coloration was the top of the ice melting and mixing with the soil on it’s bank. It would seep onto the frozen bed and re-freeze making for some colorful textures.

I set up my little burner and plopped my left over chimichanga from yesterdays lunch into the bowl to heat it up. I then set up and took a few pictures of the stump next to where I parked as lunch warmed on the hood of Sami. As I stood and ate, again, I couldn’t help but revel in the solitude and quiet of the valley.

Further up the road, a steeper climb began as the road started to switchback. I could tell I was nearing the top as the vistas began to open up over the trees. I marveled at how far I could see. I must admit that the should of the road was hit more than once as my attention was turned away from steering.

Finally I reached my destination. It was a peak finger that I had been on a few times before. Sami was parked, shot off, and my pack placed on my shoulders. I headed down the trail, walking through a bit of snow now, and out to where I could see the neighboring hillsides.

I knew I shouldn’t go far, but I couldn’t help but keep walking a little further so I could see the next vista. I scoured the neighboring hillsides with my binoculars. This is where we have found them before. But none were there to be seen.

With the short days, after looking at my watch, I decided I better head back and start working my way back towards my truck. My plan was to make it back before dark. But on my way back I found two trees that had been toppled over. Their roots twisting and turning as they reached into the air. Again, I couldn’t resist the coloration of the old and aged wood. So I stopped to snap off a few shots.

After warming up in Sami while I ate a few more snacks, reverse was engaged, and I began my decent back down the mountain side. I felt like I was doing okay on time, plus I planned to hit a couple of short-cuts on the way back different from the way I came in. So I stopped at an old sheep camp.

As soon as I opened the door to Sami a squirrel began chewing me out for invading it’s territory. I stared back as he threw his fit. He finally calmed down and just sat in the tree above me, watching my every move.

What I wanted to shoot was an old out-house, I’m assuming at least. I never did peek inside because I didn’t think the image of what I found would be very picturesque. But it was tucked neatly in the trees and the aged wood on the door contrasted with the white paint that was pealing on it’s walls. I especially liked the small diamond-shaped window on the side.

As I headed back to my ride home a beautiful western Blue Jay, or Steller’s Jay, flew over silently and landed on a branch. I worked my way around the trees, trying to get good close shot, but he continually evaded me flying just a bit further away. So rather than harass him anymore I tried to get what shots I could from a distance.

I continued my journey back to my truck, taking a paved section of road to speed things up. I finally turned onto my final leg. It was pretty much dusk so my hope was this would be a shortcut back to the truck.

Boy was I wrong!!!

If I were to rate roads from 1-10, with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, this road would be a negative-3!!! It wasn’t technical or even scary. It was just miserable!!! It climbed up on top of the ridges and ran along in a line that would have been faster except that the road was pretty much consisted of jumbled rocks.

These rocks were anywhere in size from a golf ball up to a basketball. With the majority around the size of a softball. So this made for a bumpy, giggling, vibrating ride. And of course with Sami not being the tightest and newest of rigs, the bumpy, giggling, and vibrating made for an ear-torturing rattling that made me want to scream.  On top of that I was getting concerned that it would literally rattle something apart and strand me in the middle of nowhere on a route that no-one wants to travel.

The worst part was that I would assume the views were spectacular up there. But because of the slow going it was now dark and I couldn’t even muffle the agony I was experiencing with that.  I don’t even have a desire to go back and see what I missed. The road was that bad!

Well, I eventually made it back to my truck. Sami was loaded onto the trailer and strapped down tight. As I pulled away the road felt like glass and my big diesel motor sounded as quiet as a Prius.

It was well dark and I had to concentrate hard on the road, or more specifically, the sides of the road because that route holds a lot of deer. But as I made my way back home I reflected on the experience of the day.

My motivation to go back to that mountain was to harvest meat. I had spent the money on the tag and my family needed the meat. But even though I had not seen a single elk, the experience was worth every minute and every penny.

The Dutton had rewarded me again. It was consistent in its agony and gifted a reward, and that will definitely keep me coming back again and again.

I started writing about another one of my adventures and realized I should cover something very important.

For lack of a better term, I am calling this my Go Bag.  It is a bag that I carry with me pretty much anywhere I go.  It comes and goes with me to and from work and thrown behind the seat when we head to the city as a family.  But more importantly it is taken with me when I go out on an adventure.

Depending on what the ultimate plan is, more is added to it, or the contents are even removed and added to a larger pack as additions to the necessities for that occasion.  But the intent is that I have some basic items with me, always.  So it is a bag that I can simply grab and go, without having to think about what I am taking or worry that maybe I forgot something important.

I have recently upgraded to a larger bag.  I am still a bit unsure about this bag, I really liked my old one.  But with the new addition of photography to my life, a safe carrying system for my camera and accessories called for it.  So here is a quick run-down of what I carry in my Go Bag.

I guess we will start with:

Camera – My phone used to serve this purpose.  But too often I found myself not being able to capture what my eyes saw with the basic camera on my phone.  This is a big adjustment as a Nikon DSLR, two lenses, batteries, filters, etc not only weigh quite a bit, but also take up a lot of space.  It is counter intuitive to carry all of this with me as I have always been conscious of weight and size as I have packed for adventures.  But I find something driving me to capture these images, so I am trying to adjust and find a system that works.

Headlamp – I have found this to be invaluable.  I used to carry a flashlight but too often I needed my hands.  I have gone through several headlamps until I found a Black Diamond Revolt.  There are a few things I love about this headlamp.  1 – it is a single strap around the head.  I hate the over the top straps.  2 – it’s small and light weight.  3 – it’s super bright.  4 – different modes including the ability to adjust brightness. 5 – it’s rechargeable and takes AAA batteries, so I can easily carry spares. 6 – it lasts a loooong time.  I have proven this on a good 3-4 hour hike off of the mountain in the dark with it running constant on high.  This is an item I would label as a must.

GPS – I carry a Garmin Oregon 450.  It is an older model but has been great for my needs.  I try to use it sparingly as I want to keep my natural sense of direction sharp.  But I always try to mark specifics, like base camp or a vehicle, just in case.  I have also been able to download maps as a compact way to see where I am and what landmarks are around.  Finally, with the ability to save tracks, I can often look to see where roads are that I have been down before or trails I have previously traveled.  It is handy when heading into a previously visited area from a different direction.

GPS Case – I have a case that I carry my GPS in.  It also holds spare batteries for it and my headlamp.

Velcro Straps – These are light weight straps that have Velcro, or hook and loop, on them.  They are designed to since down something but are handy for so many uses.  They are super light weight and don’t take up any space.

Snacks – Granola bars are great.  They last forever and can be filling.  I also have cliff bars and usually some candy.  Another must, for me, is sunflower seeds.  They aren’t filling, but a good munchy type snack to munch on while you hike, ride, or sit.  My favorite flavor is Chili Lime.

Water – I usually carry at least one bottle.  This is one of those things that is added to depending on the destination.  But it never hurts to have a little extra and you never know when you might need a container.

Paracord and Small Bungies – Again, these are light weight and can come in handy for so many things.  I have used it for many, many non-emergency situations.  So if that emergency ever does arrive, how much more grateful I will be to have them.

Toilet Paper in Ziplock bags – I specify in a ziplock bag because the bag is important.  I carry dry toilet paper and also a biodegradable wet wipe.  The dry gets the job done and, frankly, sometimes we need to do some extra cleanup and that’s where the wet ones come in. The ziplock bags keep the dry ones dry and the wet ones wet.  Also, you never know when a bag may be handy.  Again, it doesn’t take up space, and is light.  So having the extra item is a no-brainer.

While we are on a personal note:

Chafing Relief Cream – This has been a life saver more than once and for more than just me.  I used to carry vasoline, or petroleum jelly,  because of the fire-making bonus.  But I found the specific cream to bring more relief and it is so much less messy. I carry a Monistat brand, packaged in beautiful purple and soft-orchid coloring.  You may chuckle now but if you ever need it, you’ll be so happy to have it.

Battery Bank – This is a new addition.  My brother-in-law actually turned me onto these on a recent outing.  I realized that with this bank I could charge my phone, my Garmin watch, my hand-held radios, my headlamp…. You get the point.  I bought an Anker 10000 mAh.  It is about the size of a credit card, about 3/4″ thick, and fairly light.  It comes with  a small pouch and two short cords cover all of my chargeable items.  It is supposed to be capable of recharging my iPhone 3 full times.  I haven’t used it that often, but so far, so good.

Gloves – I have a pair of Legendary gloves I carry with me.  They are thin and fit my hands well allowing me to operate zippers, clasps, and such without having to remove them.  I have used them in some pretty cold weather and been happy with how snug they have kept my hands.

Paper Map – I do have some basic maps loaded on my GPS but I have found that printed maps can be easier to navigate, not having to mess with the little screen, and can also be more detailed.  So I try to carry a few maps of the areas I spend a lot of time in.  These are also compact and light weight and can act as fire-starter if necessary.

And that brings me to:

2-3 forms of Fire – I carry a magnesium stick with striker, waterproof matches with cotton balls, and the almighty lighter.  Ideally the lighter is going to be the quick solution to making a fire.  But you never know.  Because fire is such an important piece to survival and general outdoor life, I make sure that I have a way to make one.  These are critical items.

Drugs – I carry a little ziplock bag with some Aleve, ibuprofen, and cough drops.  I have a knee that want’s to act up once in a while so having these with me has been helpful to relieve some discomfort.  None of these are super powerful but they can help and, again, they are small and light weight so why not?

And that leads into:

First Aid Kit – I have this “pack size” kit that I carry.  It is small and light weight.  It also comes with straps and a clasp so it can easily be attached to the outside of a pack if needed.  Now, I recently had to use this kit.  I was prying teeth from a bear jaw-bone I had found while taking a squat in the woods and slipped.  I found out how sharp my newly sharpened knife was as it hardly nicked my hand but left a deep, cleanly cut I might add, wound.  I know….dumb moved prying with a knife blade but that’s not why I am telling this story.  As I accessed my kit I found that the alcohol wipes were completely dry.  Also, there was no tape and no gauze.  I was able to flush the wound with water and then wipe it out with some re-hydrated alcohol wipes.  I then did my best to spider-web the wound with band aids that didn’t stick very good anymore.  Luckily another member of the party had tape and gauze and I was able to re-bandage.

The moral of the story?  In my opinion, tape and gauze are a must.  You won’t bleed out from something a band aid can cover.  Yes, infection could be an issue down the road if it isn’t covered well.  But for immediate first aid in emergency situations, a band aid isn’t going to do you any good.  Also, keep your kit up to date.  My wipes were dry, my antiseptic was nearly hardened, and my band aids weren’t sticking.  What’s the point of carrying it at that point?

Okay, we’ve covered the Go Bag contents but there are a couple of other items I carry with me at all times.

Watch – I would call this more of a comfort item then a necessity.  I wear a Garmin Vivioactive watch.  I’ve only had it for less than a year but have come to love it.  I have found it to be more durable and resilient than the prior Fitbit I wore.  I don’t have to baby it, which is good, because a lot of what I do is wet, dirty, or rough.  I don’t think about what is on my wrist before diving in.  I say it is a comfort item because I don’t really use it as a tool.  It’s more “for my information” that I use it.  I can see how many miles I’ve hiked, what the elevation is, sunset and sunrise times, etc.  It doesn’t have some basic track-back features that might be handy in a pinch but I haven’t used it for that yet.  Also, it does have a live track mode that could be useful letting loved ones know where you are and such.  But if you don’t have cellphone reception it doesn’t work and that’s often the case with me.  Even when there is reception I haven’t been able to get it to work consistently.   But anyways, this isn’t a review of the product.  I love my Garmin because of the information it gives me at the touch of a button.  It is interesting and informative and another item I usually always have on me no matter how rough my adventure gets.

Sidearm – I know this is a touchy subject in the world today, but yes, I am talking about a gun.  I have a couple of sizes I carry depending on the occasion.  I do this for a few reasons.  First, there are predators in the areas I go out in.  We are talking bears, mountain lion, and wolves.  While I don’t intend to hurt them, a warning shot from a loud gun can startle and scare them off.  If that doesn’t work, I will defend myself and my family.  Secondly, if I do get stranded it is an opportunity to get food in desperate circumstances.  Thirdly, it is a scary world we live in.  You see it on the news every day.  I want to be able to defend my family and myself in situations where help is a long ways away.  You never know who you are going to meet out in those situations.  If their intentions are not good, I want to be able to defend myself and my loved ones.  I once had a friend of mine, an avid outdoors man,  who had worked a long career in law enforcement tell me that “….animals don’t scare me.  It’s the people that I’m afraid of…”

I’m not looking to write an article on guns, I am just stating that it is an item I choose to carry with me because of the advantage it can give me in unpleasant circumstances.  These are worst case scenarios and I don’t like to think about them.  But just like the First Aid kit, paracord, and other items, I need to consider these situations in order to be prepared.

I prepare for the worst but hope for the best.

Leatherman – My Leatherman Charge muli-tool was an impulse buy nearly 10 years ago.  But it has become an extension of my right arm.  I have come to depend on it the way most of us depend on our phones.  To me, it is an outdoor must!!!  With a knife, pliers, saw, screw drivers, and so much more, it is an invaluable tool.  Just like most of these other items, I haven’t had to depend on it in an emergency situation.  But I would estimate conservatively that it is handled and used more than 10 times each day.  To have access to such a variety of tools right on my belt is huge!

I want to re-iterate that these are just the basics that I try to carry everywhere.  This is not a survival pack guide.  It’s just my list of items I keep in my bag, just in case.  I add to and alter this package depending on the occasion and circumstances.  But to have some of the basic, important necessities, packaged up and ready to go, has been so handy and could someday, save my life.

When you look at this image what do you see?

I captured this image about three weeks ago.  I was intrigued by how the light hit certain areas, the randomness of the ripples and wondered what people might perceived it as.

As I asked around I got answers like: an oil spill, or melted chocolate, even deep, dark, thick arctic waters.  So I am curious what you see.  What image does this relate to in your mind or in your experience?

Now what happens when I add the original color back into it?

Now What do you see?

With color I received responses such as: brownie or cake mix, melted plastic, and more creative thoughts.  So what do you see?  What does color do as far as offering clues?  I promise this isn’t some sort of Rorschach test, I wouldn’t do that to you this close to Christmas!

During this questioning process there were a few that guessed correctly after a few tries.  They did so, because they knew me.  They knew who I was, what I was involved with regularly, and where the picture was most likely taken.  These clues led them to the correct answer as to what they were looking at.

So, here are a few of those hints for you.  I own and operate a print shop.  I have been involved with the printing industry for nearly 15 years starting back in high school as a laborer when large jobs would come in and progressing to a pressman’s apprentice, then on to being a pressman.  Finally, about 10 years ago my wife and I took over that print shop and that has turned into a career for me.

Even though I am the owner, I am heavily involved with the production of printed products and often work long hours in order to get the job done on time.

Does this offer any clues as to what the images are?

Well if you guessed ink, you are correct.  This is the same image but zoomed back a bit.  You can now see the container that holds the ink.  What you are seeing is what a pressman would term as “skin”.  As the ink sits unused and stagnant, even though it is in a closed container, it develops a dry layer on the top referred to as a skin.  Depending on the ink, this layer can become a solid and is brittle, crumbling like the glaze on a donut.

Others will develop more of a rubber type feel, similar to a dry layer of latex paint that’s sat undisturbed for too long.  It’s solid enough to peel from the top, but still flexible and soft.

But either way this layer of skin develops wrinkles and ripples as it sits undisturbed and slowly dries and, either way, it is removed and discarded before the pressman is able to access the useful supply of ink that sits below.

When I was first apprenticing I was shown the process of removing this layer known as ‘skinning the ink’.  I remember watching the pressman as he took his ink knife (which is just a more expensive version of a basic hardware store putty knife) and worked from one side of the can to the other, sweeping back and forth in a hypnotizing dance as he removed the top, rippled layer of dried up and useless ink.

Inevitably as he did so there was, at least to me, an alarming amount of useful ink that was also removed and discarded.  I was surprised that he didn’t even give it a second glance as he took a stiff edge of paper that was already in the garbage and scraped off the entire glob of ink and let it join the rest of the waste products that were no longer needed or useful.  He was able to then dip into the clean and useful ink that lay below to ink up the press with and produce a beautifully printed product.

Soon enough came my chance to set up the press and run a job on my own.  I was nervous and excited at the same time.  This was my chance to prove all I had observed and learned.

I set the feed table guides and feed feet.  Stacked in the paper and raised the feed table up.  I removed the old plate and fed on the new plate, tightening it snug to the cylinder.  I then turned the fountain bottle upside down and placed it in its holder as I heard the fountain solution bubble down into the tray.  It was time to raise the ink tray up and lay in the glob of ink I would be using.

Side note:  I realize that none of the above paragraph probably makes any sense to you…but that’s okay.  Just take it as I was preparing the press to start printing the job.

I opened the can of 356 Green ink, and as expected, there on the surface was the rippled layer of dry skin.  I skinned off the top layer, as I had been shown, but then a spark of brilliance hit me as I decided to go the extra mile and salvage all the good ink I could from the glob of rippled skin I had just removed.

As I did so the skin broke apart and I found that in the tray lay mostly good ink but with some fragments of skin.  I removed all that I could see feeling satisfied with the money I had just saved the shop.  I layered in a bit more of the good ink from the skinned can, put the lid on, and began inking up the press.

The printed sheets began piling up in the delivery end of the press.  I was feeling very accomplished and proud of what I had achieved on my own.  But as I pulled sample sheets I began to notice hickies (these are blemishes in the image that look much like a bulls eye) across the printed image.  I stopped the press, cleaned the plate and the blanket, and began running again.  It was not uncommon to have this happen as dirt, paper, and other contaminates inevitably find their way into the rollers.  But what I was discovering was that they were infesting the image and not allowing me to get more than 20-30 sheets off before I had to clean the plate and blanket again.  Something was definitely wrong.

The next time I stopped the press I puzzled and puzzled at what the issue was.  I began searching the press looking for some indication of what had happened.  As I peered at the ink rollers I realized they were speckled with some sort of grit.  WHAT IN THE HECK IS THAT!?!?!  Had a piece of paper found it’s way up in there?  No, that usually looks more like lint.  Had something fallen from the ceiling and been chewed up as the rollers turned?

I put a latex glove on and ran my finger along the roller in an attempt to scrape some of it up with my nail.  As I rubbed it between my thumb and index finger, examining it closely, it suddenly hit me.  I had not rid the ink from all if it’s skin.  Part of that layer had been transferred from the tray and into the rollers which had then taken it and ground it into millions of tiny pieces that were now spread throughout the entire press.

That feeling was an immediate low to my fantastic high I was feeling a mere 15 minutes earlier.  The job that I was so proudly and successfully running was now a shame and an embarrassment to me.

Frantically I drained the fountain, jammed the clean-up tray under the rollers, and began a quick clean-up hoping it would be an easy remedy.  Once the rollers were clean, mostly at least,  I filled the fountain again, re-inked the press, and resumed the run.

Again, the first 50-100 sheets looked fine.  I could feel relief swelling up inside me.  But only to crash again.  The hickies began to appear and once stopped, I could see the speckled mess across the inked rollers.  I was almost at a panic at this point.  I didn’t want the pressman to see my rookie error.

I realized the only way to solve the problem would be to do a complete clean and this included discarding ALL of the ink that was in the tray; not only the ink I had salvaged from the skin, or so I thought, but also the good ink I had dropped in after because it had all been mixed and stirred together as the press ran.

As I cleaned the press I realized that some of that skin had adhered itself so well to the rollers that it would require me to remove the rollers, one by one, and hand clean them.  This not only became a complete clean-up, but a lengthy and laborious one at. Every roller was removed and cleaned by hand, all the ink was removed and discarded, and once I was satisfied that every bit of skin was off the press and in the garbage I started the process of inking up the press once again.

Finally as I settled in on the successful run, I pondered in my mind the reasoning for the pressman being so willing to discard ALL of the ink that had been removed with the rippled skin.  The time and effort and material that I had wasted in my attempt to salvage a small amount of ink was simply not worth it.

But still remains that impulse every time I open a can of ink and skin off that top, dried up, and rippled layer.  What a waste!  I still wish there was some way to salvage that ink that is thrown away at the beginning of each job.  The best way to avoid that waste would be to never allow that skin to form.

How often in our lives do we allow ourselves to become stagnant?  How often do we allow ourselves to become complacent with where we are?  As we do that we allow a skin to develop that covers our potential.  I would also suggest that as we sit stagnant, ripples begin to form as hurdles where smooth progression once was.

This rippled layer of skin becomes a barrier, making us work twice as hard to get back on track and progressing forward again.  It also opens the doors for contaminants to sneak their way in, inhibiting our progress and making the road that much more of a struggle as we renew our goals and step up to bat.

So my suggestion?  Well, first I’d say don’t allow yourself to become stagnant in the first place.  Now this quickly becomes a ‘practice what you preach’ moment.  Too often I’ve gotten lazy and allowed myself to ‘take a well deserved break’.  But more and more I am realizing that that ‘well deserved break’ just causes me to take three steps back.  So I’d encourage you to keep progress moving forward.

This can relate to your efforts at work, at home, education, exercise, or any worthy pursuit.  Just keep yourself active in that good pursuit.  This can even relate to personal battles you may be facing.  And that leads me to my next point.

If you are going to rid yourself of a contaminant, dispose of it all!  If the ripples of contamination have layered themselves on and you are ready to take that step of ridding yourself of them, then I plead with you to do a thorough job of skinning the ink.  I know how it feels to justify this or that as you do a half committed clean-house in a show of re-directing your life.  Well as they say: “either sh@& or get off the pot!”.

If you are ready to clear off that rippled skin so you can achieve your potential, than do it right.  Do a thorough ‘skinning’ as to not leave any door open for contaminants to impede your progress or sabotage your success.

As we head towards the New Year, to me it seems a bit lame or old fashioned to make resolutions.  I mean, why wait until the New Year.  If you can’t make it by starting now, what good is the New Year going to do?  But at the same time I am finding myself feeling a bit energized and almost excited to put 2017 behind me and have the new beginning of 2018.  It is almost natural to think; “ok, just get through the next few weeks and then I can start fresh”.  So I would suggest whether you are into the whole New Year Resolutions or not; it is a natural starting point.

So if all you need to do is try better to not allow your life to go stagnant, or if you need to do a thorough skinning; LETS GET TO IT!!!  Let’s take some calculated steps, set some priorities, and get this show on the road!  The New Year is waiting to cheer you on towards your successful run!